Jonghyun, my first love.

18 December 2025 To Kim Jonghyun Eight years have just flown by in the blink of an eye. That night, I still daren't dwell on it, for fear that if I look up, my eyes will be filled with an unshakeable mist. I've never deliberately sealed away that past, but I can't help but feel heartbroken whenever I think of it. Many people say time heals all wounds, and I think it's true! It has indeed dulled a lot of the sharp pain, but it hasn't erased the flutter in my heart when I first liked you at 16. Every moment of liking you was so real and genuine. Having your spirit accompany me through the most important 14 years of my life, I'm already so much luckier than many people. At least when I mention you to others, I can smile and tell our story. Whenever I see your photos on various platforms, I save them to my phone. I treat photos I haven't seen before as new ones. The single Poet Artist released this year is particularly good, I've had it on repeat countless times. You can tell it's a song only Kim Jonghyun could write, and only Kim Jonghyun could sing with such flavour. The members all said you didn't let anyone live with this song, haha, such a difficult song to sing, only you could do it. Last year, 2024, was the first time I went to Korea to see the SWC VI Encore concert. My heart was full of joy and anticipation, and I didn't feel any disappointment. But this year, 2025, I watched 3 shows, right up until the 25th. The 💎 stage was right in the centre of the venue 💎. When the four of them scattered to the four smaller stages, leaving the 💎 stage alone in the middle, and on the 25th I happened to be in the N seat, facing that empty 💎 stage, I strained my eyes but couldn't find your figure. I thought 8 years was long enough, long enough that I thought I had long grown used to the four-person dance on stage, but I realised I hadn't actually gotten used to it, I was just forcing myself to. When the last song Our Page started, I couldn't stop crying. Thankfully, the Shawols cried with me 😭. In those choked harmonies, our shared longing was hidden. I could clearly feel you in the air, in every spotlight, but the feeling of not being able to see you with my own eyes kept stinging me. Perhaps the stage design last year and this year was different, which made my feelings so profound. After watching SHIFT for 3 days, I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if you could dance SHIFT on stage, if I could still see you dance Prism,